Yesterday, making a three hour drive with an iPod that had pooped out on me, I started searching my car for stray CDs, and I found an old WOW compilation from 2000. I popped one of the discs in the player, and though I honestly didn't even recognize any of the titles when I looked at the case, I found that I knew most of the melodies and words. It's funny how music comes back to you like that.
I popped in the second disc, but made it home before I'd listened to the whole thing. I left it in the player, as I usually do, figuring I'd either listen to the rest the next time I drove, or switch it out, depending on my mood.
I had to drive to the store really quickly today, which didn't warrant a CD change, but it did mean that I was bored with the last couple songs on the CD so I started shuffling my way through the tracks until I came to number 16. At first I had completely confused myself. I had forgotten there were 17 tracks on the disc, considering only 15 were listed. I stopped at 16 out of curiosity, and in the first beat, a feeling of relief washed over me.
The song was "I Am," by Jill Phillips. I don't know any of Jill Phillips music but this song, but sometimes I am convinced that Jill Phillips was put on this earth to make music and write that song for ME.
Oh gently lay your head upon my chest
and I will comfort you like a mother while you rest
The tide can change so fast, but I will stay
the same through past, the same in the future, the same today
I am constant
I am near
I am peace
that shatters all your secret fear
I am holy
I am wise
I'm the only one
who knows your hearts desires
your hearts desires
Oh weary, tired, and worn, let out your sighs
And drop that heavy load you hold, 'cause mine is light
I know you through and through, there's no need to hide
I want to show you love that is deep and high and wide
I am constant
I am near
I am peace
that shatters all your secret fear
I am holy
I am wise
I'm the only one
who knows your hearts desires
your hearts desires
Oh gently lay your head upon my chest
and I will comfort you like a mother while you rest...
The funny thing is, I was listening to much of that WOW compilation, and realizing why, even as a Christian, I really never got into the Contemporary Christian music thing. The point of that music isn't to push any kind of boundaries, and I have to have real musical creativity in my music--not just carbon copies of popular music laced with Jesus-loving lyrics. While at times the lyrics can be clever, too often they're just Bible stories that aren't retold very well or another variation of a praise song. There's nothing wrong with it, but for me, it takes a really special spiritual song for me to fall in love. I can't have the contrivance. It has to feel SO GENUINE, it's like God wrote the thing himself, just through somebody else's pen.
I felt that way about this song from the moment I heard it. The aesthetic is so perfect--light and acoustic with a lovely fragile female voice on top. And I remember some time ago reading a bit about Jill Phillips and the way she'd written this song, and she said it was like it just came to her. Like maybe God had written it and blessed her with the gift of sharing it. And that holds true to me--it's what it feels like to me. And I needed to hear it today.
There are other songs that can make me feel better just like THAT, and of course I can't name them all, because they often come out of nowhere. However, I will list a few, and if you don't know them, check them out.
- Every Season by Nichole Nordeman
- Anyway by Bethany Dick
- Stand by Rascal Flatts (but by all means, DO NOT listen to the rest of the CD when you're depressed. MAN.)
I was strong today, but I may need them tomorrow.
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